The Swaddle

Jude as a newborn swaddled in the hospital

Jude at 8-weeks old swaddled in his crib

I have a bit of a confession to make.  I swaddled my child until two weeks shy of his first birthday.  I'm not talking sleep sack ... I mean full-on arm swaddle.  Am I the only one?  I feel like there should be support groups for this.  Jude would just NOT go to sleep without his arms and body bound in the "strait-jacket" as termed by my mother.  So I asked the pediatrician if I was hindering his development, to which he answered: "If he sleeps better swaddled, then swaddle him."  Only there was one problem: my pediatrician had not been to Target.  Target does not sell swaddling blankets for 1-year olds.

Jude at 8-weeks old swaddled in his crib

I bought Jude a size "L" swaddling blanket when he was 3 months old thinking, "I only need one because I'll stop swaddling him in the next month or so." I thought it was rational to buy only one to last me a month.  If only I had known that I'd be using it another 9 months, I would have cleaned the store out and back-ordered another 10.  Because with only ONE and a child who had four naps a day, timing when to wash THE swaddling blanket was a fine-tuned skill.

Size "L" at 3 months ... you can imagine what that same blanket looked like on him 9 months later. 

There are no XL swaddling blankets ... and I was a little embarrassed to ask "do you carry this in 2T?" I thought about sewing my own and starting an etsy shop - only I'm not crafty and it would have to be some secret recovery group..."Do you also need to swaddle your 3-year old? Come see my Etsy shop where you can find swaddling blankets through size pre-teen."  No, this would not work.

So I decided my only option was to get rid of the swaddling blanket rather trying to make a bigger size.  So we did.  I dropped it cold-turkey two weeks before he turned one.  I couldn't bear the thought of confessing to people that I still swaddled my toddler.  

The result?

- 3 days of misery: 15 min naps and lots of crying and flailing arms/legs

- 1 week of not-so-great naps

- Jude starts crawling.

Crawling!  The same week I stopped swaddling him!  Coincidence? Maybe.  But I feel like telling my pedi that the reason my 11-month old couldn't crawl was not because he wasn't interested, but because he spent the majority of his days wrapped like a burrito and limb mobility was shocking in and of itself; therefore, crawling must be terrifying.  For about a week I felt like Child Protective Services might be hiding in my bushes or about to burst through my front door.

But then the dust settled.  His naps settled.  He started standing up in his crib, crawling lightening fast, pulling up on everything and standing up on his own without props.  And then I realized (as every first-time mom does) - my child will survive.  I didn't ruin him for life.  So I swaddled him for the first year of his life ... will he stand next to his 15-year old soccer buddy one day and say, "Man, if only my mom had stopped swaddling me when yours did..." Probably not.  Will his wife need to tuck him in tight one day?  Maybe. :) 

Crazy.  I'm still learning to chill...to realize that a lot of being a first time mom is about survival - you do what keeps you and your baby sane.  For Jude and me ... that was a swaddling blanket for 11 1/2 months.