lessons to learn

for me, warm weather and sunshine has a way of bringing with it renewed hope and an assurance that life is "do-able".  but the question i asked myself this morning is "if christ is enough for me, then why can the weather often have a more powerful impact on my emotions than the promises of God?"

this past weekend, I began feeling really discouraged and weepy all the time...exhausted and wondering if this was what they call baby blues.  it poured rain all weekend, dark, gloomy and cold.  and my spirit felt the same way.  jude cried so much and i couldn't figure out why ... is he getting enough milk, is he in pain, is he tired, is he sick?  i was exhausted and anxious.  on saturday, greg took jude for a drive and told me to nap.  he came home with a sleeping baby and these: (first time I've gotten a dozen roses since we dated - we're in seminary, remember- not because he doesn't want to!)  i felt so loved and taken care of.

this morning, as I was taking a shower (the only place I seem to be able to have time to think), I began to reflect on things I was learning.  It is ironic how much a child can teach us about ourselves in relation to God.  Jude cries everytime it is time to eat.  I mean really cries ... like a lion.  So when I pick him up to feed him, I say, "Jude, mama hasn't forgotten you.  I know it's time for you to eat.  I woke YOU up to eat! Everytime it is time to eat, I feed you.  You can trust me.  Have you not figured that out yet? :)"  And I stopped to think - wow.  I do the exact same thing.  God provides every single thing I need.  He has not forgotten me.  He has never left me and He gives me exactly what I need when I need it.  Why have I not learned to trust Him when this pattern never changes?  But HOW do I trust the Lord in this way and for these things?  I know that is true, but how do I do it?

So I have been concerned about my milk supply recently since Jude has been gaining weight so slowly - we had been supplementing him for quite a while.  I always wonder if he will get enough that day.  As I was praying for Jude this morning, I asked the Lord to provide exactly what Jude needed for the day - just as He provided manna for Israel in the wilderness.  And it made me stop mid-sentence and think, this is HOW I should be trusting the Lord.  He never ceased to give Israel what they needed.  But they could not hoard it, they could not store it, they could not anticipate their needs for tomorrow and take care of that day as well.  They could only wake up, and go gather what they needed for that day - and it was the perfect amount.  So today, I will trust the Lord to supply what I need and what Jude needs.  And I cannot provide for tomorrow or store up so that I can make sure he has enough ... but whether or not my milk supply increases, God is Jude's heavenly Father, who cares far more for him than Greg and I can.  And He will provide what Jude needs.  I feel so encouraged by the faithfulness of the Lord today.

So while the week has been full of ups and downs, these are shots from some of my favorite moments.  March has been uncharacteristically warm in Boston.  We usually have snow.  Today, the high was 68.  So yesterday, my good friend Caroline (who has a 2-week old little girl) and I took our little ones on a walk.  Thank you, Kathy, for this amazing Patagonia bunting!  We use it everytime we go for a walk and it is perfect for the Boston spring.  Grandparents are the greatest!

Late one evening, I had fed Jude and Greg was on the phone with a friend.  So Jude and I just relaxed in the bed waiting on Greg before we went to sleep.  He was wide awake looking up at me and just sprawled all over me....I wanted to freeze that moment and stay there forever.

waking up from a nap after our walk ... one moment is the furrowed brow, or as Greg calls it, the "whatchu talkin' bout, willis?" look.  the next moment, the smile in his

greg has been the most amazing husband and father.  to give me breaks, he'll study with jude :)  such sweet moments.

Have you seen the back of Jude's hair?  I love it.  How many newborns do you know with a mullet?  :)