My first Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day was so special.  Greg's mom was here too, so that made it even more fun.  Greg & Jude gave me roses and a storybook card he made!  After church, Greg had reservations for us at Sonsi's for brunch.  It was a beautiful, but very chilly day in Boston.  We walked around campus when we got home and enjoyed the sunshine for as long as we could stand the cold wind.  

I've decided that being a mother is a bit like having your heart walking around outside your body in another person. It is this feeling of utter vulnerability, a complete loss of control.  My heart, which, in the past could be shielded from rejection by being careful with how exposed I allowed myself to be, is now vulnerable to rejection by team selections on the kindergarten playground.  The fear I could once shove down and ignore now makes itself known when I think of how fragile my son is and how I cannot protect him from all harm.  The tears I could once suppress now stream down my face when I think about someone hurting his feelings, breaking his heart, or harming him in any way.  I am exposed, powerless, and vulnerable because as a mother, I will feel my son's hurt, rejection and pain in a heightened way.  In some ways, I suppose it is a dim glimpse into God's heart for us ... Except that in my human version of it I see my sin ... because I am tempted to fear these things rather than trust the Lord with them.  When I found out that I was pregnant with Jude, Hannah's statement in 1 Samuel 1:27 came to mind - "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.  Therefore I have lent him to the Lord.  As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD."  My prayer all through pregnancy was that I would relinquish this child to the Lord, knowing that God had entrusted Jude to me for the current time, but he is not mine to control, to hold onto, or to possess....He belongs to the Lord and the Lord will be the one to carry him, protect him, and ordain his steps.  I must trust.  I must relinquish him to the Lord and hold him with an open hand.  While it is good and right that I hurt when my son hurts and enter into his pain with him, I cannot allow it to control me. 

So there it is.  Someone recently asked me if motherhood had been a hard adjustment.  Yes, my days have completely changed and I rarely have time for myself anymore.  But it's not the demanding nature of a newborn, or the sleep deprivation, or the loss of freedom, or the endless cycle of feeding, changing diapers, and burping that makes it hard.  For me, it is the feeling of my heart being exposed and vulnerable in the person of my child that makes motherhood hard and wonderful at the same time.  And this was a surprising realization for me.  But completely worth it.  It is wonderful and joyful and rich.  I am so grateful to be a mother and for the gift of my little boy.

 

Graduation from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary

It was a busy weekend!  Greg and I both graduated from seminary this weekend!  Greg graduated with his Master of Arts in New Testament and will finish his MDiv in August.  I graduated with a Master of Arts in Religion.  It poured rain on Saturday and was super overwhelming to figure out how to get Jude fed and from place to place in the rain and with both of us graduating.  I'm so thankful Greg's mom was here!  Greg came to Gordon-Conwell in 2006 and I joined him in 2007, along with Nick and Caroline Smith, and Erin and Jonathan Hicks, and Daniel Wang.  We all graduated together this weekend and are leaving to go separate ways next month.  We are going to miss our wonderful friends so very much.  Our Texas clan:

it was raining...jude wasn't very happy about that....one day he might resent me for all the pictures i make him take :)

Gordon-Conwell Graduation Banquet

Last night was our graduation banquet at the Peabody Marriott.  I think it hit me for the first time that we are about to be leaving our incredible Gordon-Conwell family.  This has been such a unique time being surrounded by such a close community of friends and professors.  It has been all I've known of married life - Greg and I moved up here 2 days after our honeymoon - our apartment has been our first and only home together these 3 years and this is just life.  It had not really hit me that it really is about to drastically change.  Most all of our friends will be leaving and going separate ways.  We are looking to stay here in Boston for another year while we begin the process of returning to Asia.  So while we may not be leaving, our community and life as we know it is about to change.

It made me so sad since this is the longest I have lived in one place, been part of one church, and lived in one community since college.  And I love it.  So while I know it is time for life to move on, it makes me so sad to think we have only about 3 weeks left with our friends here.  Graduation is next weekend.  So strange.  In some ways, I feel like it was just yesterday that we caravaned up here with the Smiths in our Penske trucks.  On the other hand, so much of life has happened while we've been here that it's hard to imagine life anywhere else.

August 2007:

These are pictures from the banquet last night.  Greg started at Gordon-Conwell as a single guy (we were dating, but I was still in Texas) and we are leaving here as a family of three. 

May 2010:

We took Blake and Ryan as our guests to the banquet last night since we are both graduating and could bring a guest.  They have become like family to us up here as well.

Chubby Cheeks

Little man is getting chubby cheeks!

Time with Auntie Flare:

Jude and I picked up Greg on his last day of final work for one of his degrees and took him on a dinner date to Not Your Average Joe's to celebrate (Thank you, Sharon!! What a fun treat!)

Just this week has Jude started enjoying playing by himself and is really taking in the things around him.  Thank you to Dr. Lints and Ann for this great gift - he loves it and we use it everyday....so thankful as I had not begun to think about toys or things like that.

Jacks loves being one of the boys!